When I was young, all I knew was BASIC. As I grew older, I shunned those who could speak a new and dangerous language called Pascal, and decided to build myself a boat and sail across the C. Teaching myself navigation as I went, I came to a land of ivory and glass towers (and one particularly large and ugly concrete tower in the centre). There I learnt much about all things. I built large structures with Modula-2, and discovered a creature known as a COBOL, a nasty and evil creation made by a group of many. I could do incredible mathematical computations by translating formulas by speaking, very carefully as not to put to much space in my sentences, in FORTRAN. I discovered how to ask for what I wanted, and not how to do it, with a strange dialect called PROLOG. My speech soon had a LISP as well. At the end of my time in this place, I learnt a superior navigation method, one that let me sail the objects in the C++.

When I left this place, I was sad, but I knew I had many adventures ahead of me. I went to a place where men only wanted to kill each other. There I put my MODULA-2 structure skills into place. I was not sad to leave there after only a short time. I then went to a land where they spoke of an Oracle. A great and mighty beast that knew much, and spoke in a language called Sequel, one that I did not know (and had actually shunned during my time in the land of glass and ivory towers). I was lucky in that the people of this land let me in (only because I knew how to navigate the C), taught me and guided me. It was not long until I discovered that these people were actually trapped there, because of their dependence on the Oracle. I decided it was time to leave.

So I left there, seeking a land I had but merely seen glimpses of. A land called CyberSpace. When I found this land, I was most enthralled. It was ironic that my skill in speaking to the Oracle in Sequel was what gained me entrance to this place. It is here that I have learnt of the Camel and it’s beautiful Perl. I now speak to the Oracle in a deeper and more arcane language called PL/Sequel. Now, in my latter days, I sit back and enjoy a hot cup of Java, thinking about how much I have covered. From when I was young, and thought all that was to know was BASIC. Had I not learnt how to navigate the wide open C, then I would still be there …

© Mr Grumpy, 1997

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